Emotional Struggle

The last couple of days I've been having an internal, emotional struggle. Could I leave my baby? When he gets here, will I be able to leave the house with him in it and go to work? I considered watching kids in the house, just so I could be with him all day. I considered cutting every non-essential out of our lives so I could stay home with him.

Then I had to think about what is best for him and our family. Max and my work schedules work out so that Carter would only be with my Mom 8 hours a week, maximum. The other 12-17 hours a week I would be at work he would be with his Dad. How could I deny my husband time with his son, alone? How could I be selfish and deprive our family of things we need when Carter will benefit from spending time with his Mema and one-on-one time with his Daddy?

I'm sure this will come up again but as things stand now, the benefits of having my son at my side 24/7 instead of his Dad's or Mema's don't outweigh the benefits of me working part-time, getting adult interaction, helping provide for our family and getting a baby break.

If Max gets a full-time/better paying job, we will revisit the question then. I LOVE this little baby boy so much and it will rip my heart out to leave him to go to work, but part of being a parent is making tough choices and doing what's best for them. Guess this is just one of the many to come.