Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Metformin - Love/Hate

I love metformin, at least parts of it. I love the part that helps control my cravings, lowers my appetite, helps me lose weight and ovulate. I hate the part that makes me horribly sick to my stomach, vitamin deficient and miserable.

I have stopped taking my metformin, for the time being. I am trying paleo without it, since it became evident that it was what was making me so sick and more sick on paleo for some reason. I am going to talk to my midwife about alternatives and working really hard to lose weight.

I am so ready to have another baby but can't be sick like that all the time.

Here's goes nothing....

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Whole 30, Day 1 - Take 2

I started the Whole 30 yesterday instead of Thursday. I am doing soooo much better this time! I had eggs and a banana for breakfast, chicken and veggies for lunch and a turkey salad for dinner. I haven't had any major stomach problems yet and plan on upping my metformin to the full dose today! I've tried not snacking but had a couple times yesterday where I HAD to eat so I had a banana in the morning and a chicken breast in the afternoon.

I took before pictures yesterday.... let's just say that any time I'm tempted to eat something bad, I plan on looking at those pictures and seeing why I have to change. I'm going to start exercising daily today (Day 2) and hope to see lots of changes. I have a doctor appointment in 4 weeks, I hope to be down a good amount of weight and be able to talk to her openly about my struggle, PCOS and trying to conceive. I do not plan on going on any other medication to get pregnant, at this point, but I would like to talk to her about it and maybe have a prescription and plan in place for when I am ready.

Max and I have discussed the maximum weight I should be when we start actively trying with more medication. Hopefully, dropping the weight will mean I won't need the medication but we aren't planning on that. I have a disorder that affects all sizes, regardless of the misconception that it's overweight women. Weight loss MAY help, but it may not. I've been having problems since I was a young teenager when I was not massively overweight.

Anyway, I've got chicken cooking but will post again in the morning about today.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Whole 30, Take 2

I'm starting the Whole 30 again tomorrow! I did some research on eating a paleo diet sans gallbladder and I have a plan! I'm going to go buy the stuff tonight and will go full out this time! I hope the stomach upsets are fewer and less severe but I'm determined to make it work this time. I *need* this. I am feeling slightly desperate since I had always hoped to already be pregnant with #2 by the time #1 turned 2. At this point, if something major doesn't change, we are probably looking at a 3.5-4 year age gap, which is more than I want. Not to say I don't appreciate and love all the time with Carter, it's just what we want for our family and feel is right for us.

Anyway, I'm going to be eating a lot of steamed veggies, chicken breasts and fish, salad and fruit. I'm going to be doing it solo but will be done before we go on a family camping trip. I had planned on waiting until August 1 but don't want to waste the next almost 2 weeks. I'm also going to be taking Carter down to the park almost every evening and letting him play with Max while I walk or we play basketball together.

I'm super excited for the change and since I did well last time as far as cravings and being strong, I'm hoping this time will be much more successful without the stomach problems.

Monday, July 15, 2013

Whole 30 and Me

First, I love the Whole 30! I was feeling well mentally, emotionally I was a bit of a rollercoaster and I had a strong conviction to see it through. There was one problem, one very large problem, that prevented me from finishing the first week even. I had my gall bladder removed a month and a half ago, the whole30 is a high fat diet. Apparently, my body does not agree with it, yet. I was so so sick it was interfering with basically every other aspect of my life, including being a mom and wife.

My goal is to get healthy and this just isn't the way for me at this time. I am just going to eat a natural diet that is controlled carb and exercise. I don't plan on cutting out and food groups, just choose what amounts work for me. I had lost 7-8 pounds already on just metformin so I hope that keeps up and a healthy diet and exercise results in even more.

I haven't experienced a case of stomach upset since I added grains and dairy back into my diet. I'm disappointed that I was not able to finish the month. I still have goals to meet, though, and have the determination to get there. I have a doctor appointment in one month, I hope to be down 10 more pounds by then. I also have my next endocrinologist appointment 3 weeks after that and will have another goal for that appointment.

Today (Monday), I am starting a low-carb diet and will use MyFitnessPal to track my food and exercise. I need to get my Metformin back up to 1,500 mg, I lowered it when I was having my stomach problems. I hope to be able to get up to the prescribed 2,000 mg this next month. I need this, my body needs this. I need to lose the weight. My body doesn't work at this weight.

The good news is that I've lost 12 pounds, I'm soooo close to Onederland that I can taste it, just have to get there! I have to get to my goal weight to even think about having more kiddos and with Carter turning 2 next month, I'm really feeling the pressure to get the weight off and give him a little sibling!

Anyway, I need to get off her and eat some breakfast and clean the house. Going to throw Carter on my back to make cleaning more of an exercise! :-)

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Whole30: Day 1

I've been thinking about doing The Whole30 for some time, probably 6 months or so. I had planned on starting on June 1 but we seriously had a lacking of funds last month so it was out of the question. So, I started today! It's a strict month long challenge of eating a hunter-gatherer diet. It's designed to lower inflammation and give you a clean slate to really learn what agrees with your body and doesn't.

Some people have had amazing results and weight loss is not the main focus. It's about fueling our bodies instead of poisoning and helping our bodies reach their potential. Helps us turn into fat burners instead of carb burners.

Why am I doing this challenge? According to the specialist managing my PCOS, my ideal weight would be somewhere around 130 pounds. My hormones are out of whack. I can go 6+ months with no menstrual cycle, I have a large amount of belly fat, have started developing fatty deposits on my liver, have hair where hair shouldn't be on a woman and a slight case of insulin resistance. My Dr. recommended a low-carb diet, keeping my carbs below 50 per meal and 30 per snack. She also prescribed me a diabetes drug that has proven to be magnificent for treating PCOS, metformin. I've been on Metformin for 3.5 weeks now and have lost 7 pounds and gotten my period! Maybe not something everyone wants to read about but hey, it's seriously exciting for me! I'm keeping track of my cycle and temps via Fertility Friend this cycle and we will see just how much difference metformin is making! Hoping I ovulate on my own and have a normal cycle, even if a long, I don't care. Anyway, the point is that The Whole30 is low-carb in nature. You only eat natural, non-processed foods so the only carbs you eat are from fruits and veggies. I'm also a strictier version of the program due to my PCOS and will try reintroducing some of those foods after the month is up. Some additional foods I am not eating are eggs, tomatoes, nuts, clarified butter and ghee. The thought is that those foods can potentially cause an immune response and that's the last thing we want.

So, I will be eating meat (preferably grass-fed but that's expensive so we will do our best) and veggies or fruit three times a day for 30 days. I'm excited to see the changes and like I said before, the weight loss is the last priority. Another point of The Whole30 is no weighing or measuring during it. So I weighed and measured today and will again on day 31. Today I weighed 205. I'm hoping to lose 15 pounds over the next month but we will see. I'm excited to see what happens.

Monday, July 8, 2013


I find myself getting entrenched in the obsession with finding a way to control my PCOS and get my body in order. Sometimes, I get a quick, sharp smack in the face by something absolutely amazing my son does and get brought back to reality. This kid, he's amazing. He's wonderful, he's challenging and adorable, intelligent, inquisitive, charming and compassionate. I'm so thankful for the little man I have, who has given me an amazing dose of love and patience and parenting reality. I love his little gremlin voice, his crooked smile, his hair that can be so crazy or so soft and fluffy. I love his laugh and cry, his scrawny butt and belly button. I love everything about him!

Sometimes, the way he is with a baby or his siblings or friends, it makes my heart hurt. He absolutely loves babies, loves playing with kids, although being an only child, sometimes he needs a break and quiet time. That's ok. He loves getting a diaper, wipes, pacifier or toy for a baby. I know he will be an amazing big brother, whenever that time comes and whatever way a baby joins our family.

As he gets closer to two and his personality and intelligence emerges even more, I love him more. I didn't think I could love him anymore, I think all this love is saving up for the teenage years ;-)

I can't express my love and amazement that this little boy is mine. At the same time, I'm painfully aware of all the people out there struggling to have a baby or feeling the pain of a loss of a child, at any number of stages of pregnancy or age or just the loss of hope of a child. I'm one of the blessed one, no matter what my body does or doesn't do, I have my little Carter and I am forever thankful for that. I may mourn the struggle of infertility, I may mourn the fact that I have to work so hard for my kiddo(s) when it comes so easy for others, I may cry for my infertile sisters and fellow cysters but no matter what, I have a deep appreciation for the fact that I have my boy. I've had an amazingly blessed 32 months of pregnancy and parenting and I wouldn't trade it for the world!

Friday, July 5, 2013

Health Update

I had my surgery on May 30, it went smoothly, except they had to make an extra cut so I have five holes instead of four. The first week was rough, I couldn't sit up on my own, pick up Carter, stand for any real length of time, etc. I'm now 5 weeks post-op and have some pain sometimes, mainly when I lay on my stomach or pick Carter up and twist. I think it's mainly muscle pain but not sure, just know some residual pain is normal.

I also saw an endocrinologist on May 29. I needed help managing my PCOS and learning how to deal with my disease and work with my body. I was prescribed met.formin, a drug commonly used to treat PCOS by battling the underlying insulin resistance. Even though I don't test as being IR, it's believed that all women with PCOS have some level of IR. I'm 3.5 weeks into my new drug protocol and have had a fairly easy transition. I started at 500 mg a day for a week. The second week was 1,000 mg a day. The last week and a half I've been on 1,500 mg. The last week and a half was the hardest, symptom wise. I'm prescribed 2,000 so am planning on trying that transition on Monday but last Monday, my body was in no way ready for that jump. The good news is that the metformin seems to be helping already and guess what? I'm excited! I have lost a bit of weight but need to lose a lot more. I'm starting the Whole30 Monday and am hoping to stay on it for 2 months. I have read some amazing reviews about this diet and PCOS and talked personally to people who've had good results. The main thing is getting my body working right, not weight loss. The weight loss, I am looking forward too, but I need a functioning body more than anything. I'm hoping that in the next 6-9 months, we will be expecting a new little one.

I go back to the endocrinologist in 2 months and we hope to see some big changes in my bloodwork and hormones. I have a lot of work ahead of me but it will be so worth it, to be healthy and feel normal and be the person I know I can be. PCOS, I'm going to beat you!

Friday, April 26, 2013


I have zero experience with surgery. I did visit Ally after her surgery, but that's the extend of my personal experience. I have a consult with a surgeon on Wednesday and I'm nervous! We will find out if I need my gallbladder out and when. I'm not having current problems with it but do if I'm not careful about what I eat. It's more a precautionary thing. Carter is quickly approaching 2 and we would like to have another baby when he's around 3-3.5. I really don't want to have gallbladder problems while pregnant. I know how bad they are not pregnant, I can't imagine them with a womb-babe in there squishing everything up even more.

I also am going to have surgery to have my wisdom teeth removed. I'm more worried about that one, the most dental work I've ever had done, beyond a cleaning, is sealant. The thought of them cutting my gums open and pulling out my (sideways) wisdom teeth scares the scarecrows out of me!

Deep breaths, it'll all be worth it in the end and I can't wait to get all these health things behind me and add to our family. My consult with the endocrinologist is at the end of May, still a bit away but I'm hoping to get some advice and help and learn how to better work with my body. I have a weight loss goal for then and am really trying hard to make it.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

So Tired Of Moving

So, circumstances have come together to allow us to move home! As excited as I am and as happy as I know I will be to be home, I hate this stage of moving! We are starting in Carter's room and selling his crib and other baby things. We also took down all his monkey decals. It makes me sad. He's growing up!

We still have three weeks before we move, so no rush but this is the most notice we've ever had before a move and the most organized. I am going to miss living down here, no, I'm going to miss some of the people we've gotten to know. Wish we would have gotten to know them a bit better!

Fortunately, we are moving to a house! We've only rented one house before, in our 7+ years of renting. We've never had a two bathroom or three bedroom, we've never had a garage or shed or two separate fenced yards. We are fortunate to be moving into Max's mom's house. It's due to unfortunate circumstances for them but I'm happy we'll be able to help them out and that it will help us out as well. It's a great set up for puppy raising and our little man to have room to run and play.

We also have full permission to do what we want, as far as decorating. So Carter's going to get an awesome bedroom and we are really going to make this house our own. It's going to take some work since all the bedrooms and kitchen have wallpaper that needs removed but it'll be so rewarding and worth it!

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Breast feeding Update

I think my boy may be night-weaning, all on his own! The last two nights he has slept in his bed, the one in our room, for 8+ hours straight! Him not nursing through the night also means he's sleeping through the night! I'm so happy we didn't do any sleep training with him! I hope this keeps up though, I'm enjoying being able to sleep through the night, and not getting pushed off the bed!

We will see how him night-weaning affects his nursing in general. He has still been nursing before bed and in the morning and sometimes once during the day. I'm so happy and proud that we've made it this far, there were many times I wanted to give up but I didn't and knowing I gave my boy the best start I could and fought through all the problems makes me one proud mommy!

Carter had a dentist appointment and we found out he has an upper lip tie. I honestly never looked but now so many things make sense. It could explain the slow weight gain, my supply issues and his refusal to nurse from one side. We will be looking into getting it corrected so it doesn't impact his adult teeth or any other area of his life.

We are also working on weaning him off the pacifier. The dentist said it is causing his overbite, which I wholeheartedly disagree with for so many reasons, but regardless, it is time to get rid of them. Today he's only had it for his nap. He threw a little tiny tantrum when I took it from him after he woke up but quickly found something to get into and forgot why he was mad.

I have so much hope now that I will be able to exclusively breastfeed our future babies and will be looking for a lip tie on our newborns from now on!

Carter-Carter at 19 months

I say it all the time but I can't believe how fast time has flown. I can't believe my little guy went from being a cuddly, tiny little floppy legged newborn to being a walking, running, jabbering, opinionated 19 month old. In just over 4 months he'll be two years old!

So where to begin to try and describe what this little boy is like today? I suppose I could tell you all our challenges, new things and things he loves. 

This child has a problem with sleeping. I mean, a real problem. I *refuse* to leave him in his bed crying. It may be how some parents choose to address sleep issues but I am not one of them. I'm a cryer, it's how I handle stressful situations, anxiety and sometimes I just need a good cry to release my emotions, good or bad. If I get to the point where I'm crying so hard I can't breath and to the point of exhaustion, I don't sleep well, I don't feel better when I wake up and if I'm just ignored, I feel betrayed and abandoned. These are feelings I do not want my son to have. I want him to know that I will always be there for him, no matter what.

I think part of the sleep problem is that he still nurses at night. Since that's when he does that majority of his nursing and I'm in no way ready for another pregnancy, we've chosen to not night wean him yet. I feel that if we night wean, he may wean completely and I'm not ready. So, we just sort of deal with the sleep problems. He usually wants to fall asleep on me for nap, which is where babywearing comes in real handy. I can wrap him on my back, at home or away, and he's asleep before too long. I can either leave him up there and go about my day or lay him down. For night time, he falls asleep next to me. He doesn't fall asleep nursing but he usually is curled up pretty close. I don't mind so much, he's not going to want to cuddle with me forever and I'm trying to cherish this time. We usually move him to his bed, either his crib, the full bed in his room or the crib mattress in our room and he moves back to our bed when he gets thirsty, anywhere from 2-8 hours later. 

Another challenge is he sometimes gets frustrated and will strike whatever it is he's frustrated with. Say he trips and bumps into the wall. If he's cranky, he will turn around and hit the wall. He's not too bad about hitting people but when he does hit, we warn him and if he does it again he goes in time-out. Time-outs have been great for him, he really seems to understand that if he stops the behavior he won't be sitting against the wall.

This kid can get undressed so quickly! Thankfully he is not to the point of taking his diaper off, yet, but I'm sure it's coming. He just started taking his pants off and pulling at his diaper when it's dirty. I've gotten his potty chair down and he's sat on it once. He's really interested in the toilet and flushing and wiping and washing hands but I'm not sure he's quite there yet for potty training. He only acknowledges the dirty diaper after he's gone, not before. I think it's time to start reading him some potty books and we'll go from there.

New Things:
I love watching him grow and learn! He's hilarious at this age and so entertaining. He's learning animals sounds and the differences between animals. He loves to hold the vacuum extension up to his mouth and be an "elephant" and he thinks every bird is a duck so will start quacking anytime he sees a bird.

He's recently started trying to jump. It's so cute how much effort he puts into jumping, he gets this sly smile on his face, bends his knees and jumps up onto his tip-toes real quick. He's yet to get air-born but he tries so hard.

He's working really hard on learning the alphabet. He loves his alphabet magnets and other letter toys and games. We are working on shapes and colors but he seems to like the alphabet more.

He is talking so much! We really have to be careful about what we say in front of him, you never know when he'll choose to repeat a word or phrase! Yesterday, Max and I were talking and I said "duh" to myself about something and Carter starts saying it over and over again. *facepalm*

Things He Loves:
I generally hate gender stereotypes for such young kids. Carter is a boy but he loves to play dress up and carry around buckets and play cook and take care of his mickey doll. On the other hand, he loves to get dirty, eat mud, play at the park, collect rocks, run outside and climb. 

Now that the weather is getting warmer and slightly less wet (we do live in Oregon, afterall) he wants to be outside all the time. Our apartment backyard isn't quite ready for summer time, we are planting grass this week and plan on buying him so toys for outside, but regardless, he wants to be out there every minute of everyday. He hates it when I bring him back inside, for whatever reason. 

He is obsessed with babies. He sees a baby and is mesmerized. He is a bit weary of them but he likes to look.

I will add pictures soon!

Friday, April 5, 2013

Blood Results - #1

I didn't get a prescription for met.formin because my primary care doesn't have any experience treating PCOS with this particular drug and I'm already referred to an expert to manage my PCOS. She did, however, go over my blood test results with me. The GREAT news is that I'm not diabetic! I never got retested after my pregnancy and since I was considered to have GD, I should have been when Carter was around a year old. My insulin was fine and most of my hormones were within normal range. My free testosterone was above the normal range but not a lot.

Since I'm still waiting to even schedule an appointment with the endocrinologist, Monday will be three weeks, I'm going to go back on birth control. We plan on me being on birth control for several months anyway, so might as well start it now and start the getting the benefits.

That's all I've got for now, on the health front. I hope to lose about 50 pounds before we have our next baby, so it will take some times but I'm determined to get there. I will have to get a post up on Carter here soon, he's changing so much and growing so fast, it's hard to believe!

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Moving On Up

We got word yesterday that there is a three bedroom coming available! I can't tell you how excited this makes me, I just hope we get it! We love our apartments and the manager and area and by getting a three bedroom, we would also gain another bathroom and have plenty of space for a new baby (when the time comes).

School started yesterday, I'm retaking two classes I got A's in in Roseburg so it will likely be an easy term and the workload doesn't look too bad. I think the hardest part will just be keeping Carter occupied while I do my schoolwork and scheduling myself between school, spiritual, family, visiting our home town, moving, doctor appointments, etc.

We have a serious lacking of any decor in our home and it's a problem that really bugs me. I want pictures of my son on the walls and art I enjoy and curtains, etc. So we are going to be getting Carter's pictures taken and print out more that we have taken over his last 19 months of life. I'm excited!

I have a doctor appointment today with a primary care physician. I decided I needed to get in and see one for my gallbladder and celiac and general health. I have a referral for an endocrinologist for my PCOS and hormone problems and a dentist appointment next week to get my teeth cleaned, cavities filled and talk about my wisdom teeth. I may ask today if the PCP will prescribe me met.formin for my PCOS/hormone issues since it's already been over two weeks that I've been waiting and will likely be another month or more until I get in to see the endocrinologist and I want to start it sooner than that. If she's not willing, I'm going to have to call my gyno to see if she's prescribe it for me. She said before she wanted to leave it to the endocrinologist but eh, I'm tired of waiting for my body to work right and my hormones to level out.

Anyway, I should probably go eat some breakfast and do some reading and take care of my little guy. Hope my appointment today goes well!

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Long Time, No Blog

Man, depression and my PCOS flaring up with avengance sure does take all of my motivation for blogging.

So, here's where we stand
     ¤Carter is 19 months old now! Still nursing several times a day with random days of nursing only twice.
     ¤We still live 1.5 hours from home. Not too far but I miss my family.
     ¤We will hopefully be receiving our next puppy this summer or fall to raise for Canine Angels Service Teams.
     ¤We are taking some drastic steps financially that I'm not ready to discuss yet. I will say that it is a step we have to take to provide Carter and future little ones with the things they need.
     ¤We just celebrated our 6th anniversary!
     ¤I have a plethora of appointments upcoming to get me healthy and prepare my stubborn body for another pregnancy. We are expecting at least 6 months of treatment and prevention before I will be close to healthy enough.
     ¤I restart my college career tomorrow. I'm excited to get this degree behind me, in due time.
     ¤Our apartment has a decent sized backyard we are excited to make into a small garden and place for our dirt and mud loving toddled to play in and a place to read and relax.
     ¤We will hopefully be taking Carter to Disneyland and the Canine Angels Walk With The Angels in October! We have never taken a vacation and desperately need one.

I will try to update more tomorrow. Carter is a hilarious, adventurous, sweet, cuddly, mommy's boy who I love so much. We definitely have our challenges but I am so blessed!