Pride?

I think I've always struggled with pride on some level. I was (am) academically gifted, have a decent memory and common sense. Now that I'm a mom, I can't help but be proud. Proud of the mom I am, proud of my son, proud of the hard work I do. Proud of (most) of the choices I make. Proud and sure that I'm doing the most I can, the best I can, to raise and care for my son.

I'm not proud of every choice I've made in my life, obviously. I've made mistakes. I've said things I regret. Done things I regret. However, overall, I'm proud of my conduct, proud of my actions and words. I can't let the times where I disappoint myself, let my anger get the best of me, get irritated, annoyed and bitter, be what define me.

I'm working hard to look the right direction for help, support and guidance. To make good, solid choices based on reason, logic and fact instead of emotion and nerves. I don't like confrontation, I'd rather avoid it then face it. Something I'm defiantly not proud of is our financial situation. We have a lot of debt, bad credit and it needs fixed. I will not give up, I will not give in to pressure to just start fresh. My pride won't let me. I will, single handed, if that's what's needed, pull us out of this mess of money and fix it. That is something I can look back and be proud of that, I lived up to my word (even if it took far too long) that I did it. I fixed the problem, instead of shrinking back and letting it win. That is something I long for, something that motivates me. That is something I can take pride in and know it's ok because it's something I worked for, not a gift I've been given with no credit to myself. That is why I show up to work everyday and in 3 months have already upped my pay almost a dollar. I'm proud of how well I do my job, proud that I put away my own personal feelings (for the most part) and do what's best for my family.

Is pride always bad? I think not. Can it be a deep, dark hole that you want to avoid? Absolutely.

 

Siggy made for me by Rachel from JM :-)