Monday, July 8, 2013


I find myself getting entrenched in the obsession with finding a way to control my PCOS and get my body in order. Sometimes, I get a quick, sharp smack in the face by something absolutely amazing my son does and get brought back to reality. This kid, he's amazing. He's wonderful, he's challenging and adorable, intelligent, inquisitive, charming and compassionate. I'm so thankful for the little man I have, who has given me an amazing dose of love and patience and parenting reality. I love his little gremlin voice, his crooked smile, his hair that can be so crazy or so soft and fluffy. I love his laugh and cry, his scrawny butt and belly button. I love everything about him!

Sometimes, the way he is with a baby or his siblings or friends, it makes my heart hurt. He absolutely loves babies, loves playing with kids, although being an only child, sometimes he needs a break and quiet time. That's ok. He loves getting a diaper, wipes, pacifier or toy for a baby. I know he will be an amazing big brother, whenever that time comes and whatever way a baby joins our family.

As he gets closer to two and his personality and intelligence emerges even more, I love him more. I didn't think I could love him anymore, I think all this love is saving up for the teenage years ;-)

I can't express my love and amazement that this little boy is mine. At the same time, I'm painfully aware of all the people out there struggling to have a baby or feeling the pain of a loss of a child, at any number of stages of pregnancy or age or just the loss of hope of a child. I'm one of the blessed one, no matter what my body does or doesn't do, I have my little Carter and I am forever thankful for that. I may mourn the struggle of infertility, I may mourn the fact that I have to work so hard for my kiddo(s) when it comes so easy for others, I may cry for my infertile sisters and fellow cysters but no matter what, I have a deep appreciation for the fact that I have my boy. I've had an amazingly blessed 32 months of pregnancy and parenting and I wouldn't trade it for the world!

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